Kevin (anotheryear15) wrote,

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and standing on the edge, he looks back...

i wish i would just like not care about anything anymore. what is left for me? the way i see it is nothing. nothing. it is funny how happy of a person i used to be. i used to not have a care. all i ever thought about was how happy she made me and how good i felt. sometimes i used to stay up and wonder what would life be without here and the second i thought of that i would get really scared adn feel really sick and then i couldn't sleep. and now that i've lost her. the pain is just so overwhelming. i can't really stand it. i guess i do a good job hiding at most times but some times i just break down and start crying. it feels like this all of the time. it feels like some one taking knives and just slowy cutting them into my flesh. but then i think why can't some one be doing that? why can't someone take my life away. it pretty much is already gone. all i have left is a souless body with a beating heart. my life used to like covered in just complete happiniess and truthfully i took it for granted and that is my biggest regret. i think i'm gonna find a cliff to jump off. and end this. i wonder what my last thoughts will be right before i hit the pavement. i know what it will be, Rachel, it always is that is what is always in my head.
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August 2 2001, 00:12:26 UTC 16 years ago

Dont be sad Kevin I'll be your friend if you want me to=(.....Miriam
I know what heartbreak like that is like, I've been there. It was actually only 5 months ago, but it doesn't feel like its been that long. My boyfriend was such a huge part of my life, he was my everything. I was so into him, I hesitate to say love because it came so close to obession. I lost touch with several close friends because I would blow them off if he so much as thought about seeing me that day. I did everything for him, and things were perfect, for the first few months anyway. I'm not sure how long you were with this girl, and I suppose time really has no bearing on emotions at all. He and I broke up 5 months ago today, on March 2. It still hurts...but they say that time heals everything, and I can tell you that with time the pain does fade. You stop crying as often, that sharp stabing pain becomes a duller ache pulling on your heart. It might always be there, but it isn't always as bad. I've been rambling on, the only thing I really wanted to say is that I know the horrible pain that goes with it, and when things got bad my thoughts turned to the same things yours are now, or so it seems through your journal. Please, take the words from someone who has been there, don't go there. I don't know you as a person so I dont know if you would actually go through with something like that or if your just thinking out loud about what that might be like. But I've been there, and that really isn't a road you want to walk- it doesnt lead anywhere but down.
You're special, so you get a star. Kevin, it makes me sad when you are sad and I can tell that you must be in a great deal of pain. I think you need a hug. It wasnt very nice of Rachel to lead you on like she did at the show and then say "I cant be around you anymore". Kevin, you deserve someone who will treat you well and who will respect your feelings and who will take care of you and love you. I'm sorry about rachel. Don't work so much.

i did not lead kevin on and i do not like you!!!

hey now..


August 3 2001, 09:59:07 UTC 16 years ago

I keep reading your journal cause i found you somewhere.. and everytime i read your journal you make me cry.. your so emotional.. I love your writings.. i just thought i should finally tell you....
im wearing a saves the day shirt at the moment...they rock.
I've taken to reading your journal on a regular basis because I think that you're a real person and you can put into words things that I've felt that I could never identify. Also, your poetry's awesome it sounds somewhat like saves the day lyrics and saves the day is my favorite
hey hun...don't worry about s to short to worry...just take things one day at a time...oh i like ur writings...don't worry kev-face i love you...i always will...and i do not like missy...she annoys me...but whatever...i love you...

-forever love-
Its not right for you to judge missy like that, you dont even know her or anything about her. So I'm not sure what it is that you are basing your opinion on. If its on the comment she made, maybe you should look at it from another perspective. She was reaching out to someone she didnt know that was hurting and seeing if she could offer some comfort... whats possibley bad about that?
i read this journal cause my friend told me about it, and i think u all need to shut up and get over yourselves. you're only going to be fucking juniors, and you have already been through this heartbreak twice? i think u might be a little emotional.... in your later entries you talk about other girls, i think you're gonna be all right. your just over reacting you stupid idiot.