i wish i would just like not care about anything anymore. what is left for me? the way i see it is nothing. nothing. it is funny how happy of a person i used to be. i used to not have a care. all i ever thought about was how happy she made me and how good i felt. sometimes i used to stay up and wonder what would life be without here and the second i thought of that i would get really scared adn feel really sick and then i couldn't sleep. and now that i've lost her. the pain is just so overwhelming. i can't really stand it. i guess i do a good job hiding at most times but some times i just break down and start crying. it feels like this all of the time. it feels like some one taking knives and just slowy cutting them into my flesh. but then i think why can't some one be doing that? why can't someone take my life away. it pretty much is already gone. all i have left is a souless body with a beating heart. my life used to like covered in just complete happiniess and truthfully i took it for granted and that is my biggest regret. i think i'm gonna find a cliff to jump off. and end this. i wonder what my last thoughts will be right before i hit the pavement. i know what it will be, Rachel, it always is that is what is always in my head.